The Remote is in Control

There is a power in this universe, which all men crave. When they have this device, they are invincible and all-powerful. Luckily, we don’t have to pretend to be Indiana Jones and go on a quest. Although, if Karen Allen was along for the ride, I wouldn’t mind so much. Anyway, with this device we can control the destiny of all those around us. We are the King of all who dare step foot in our castle. What is this powerful weapon? The TV remote control.

I have to say that when we watch TV, even if it’s a program I particularly don’t like, I HAVE to have possession of the remote. I must be able to control the volume at all times. When a commercial comes on, I like to surf the stations (cowabunga, dude). I sit there with the remote glued to my hand and if I leave the room, it comes with me. It’s like it becomes a natural extension of my body.

If there’s something on I don’t like, Bam! It goes away. The volume too low, Bam! (is Emeril around here?) It becomes louder. The power, the control, the heady feeling of omnipotence. All who watch with me must kneel to the power I possess. Now, if I can only get my wife to mow the lawn, I’ll be all set.