Signs of the Times

It’s difficult to read this note, so I have typed it out for you.


Dear Person,
I’m sorry I put a dent in your car. I didn’t want to but, I did when I tried to park next to you. I am not leaving my information because you chose to use two spaces and I just wanted to park in one. The scratches are because I used a towel that had sand on it to try to clean the dent/paint off. Beaches are fun.
Please look your car over for the dent and scratches and each time you see them remember not to park in two spaces.

-Sorry!!!

These images courtesy of: Canzet.com

The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.

2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings.

3. Join our frequent near-miss program.

4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.

5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.

6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.

7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.

8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.

9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.

10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.

11. If you think it's so easy, get your own plane!

12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?

13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.

14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.

15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

16. Bring a bathing suit.

17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.

18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.

19. Fly BadAir and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.

20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.

courtesy of: AhaJokes

Humorous Pictures

Here are some more wacky pictures. Hope you enjoy them.


Oh, Deer!


Ultimate watch dog

Tea for two

Types of Computer Viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

courtesy of: AhaJokes

Learn to Earn

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a Lifetime.

This saying is especially true when it comes to marketing on the internet. Do you want to continue to waste your time and money on programs that promise you riches 30 minutes after you join or do you want to actually learn the techniques behind a successful career in internet marketing?

If you want to get rich 30 minutes after joining, don’t continue to read.

That’s right, with the Profit Lance system, you will not get rich right away. This program is designed to help you Learn to Earn. It’s an educational program that will teach you everything you ever wanted to know about Adsense, Adwords, SEO, Website Promotion, Researching the right niche, and much more. There are dozens of EBooks, Videos, Research Tools, and more; all at your disposal.

Time to Get Your Feet Wet.

This program will take you step-by-step through the processes of marketing a product or idea. You will learn by doing. That’s right, along with the lessons, you will be gaining valuable Hands-On experience through a series of projects that you will need to complete. You also receive templates that are already set-up for you, along with internet hosting. You pay nothing more.

Ready to Leave the Nest.

After the basics are understood, you are encouraged to break out on your own and try the techniques you have learned. However, don’t worry, you are part of a family that is there to support you and answer any questions you might have. If you ever have a question or need assistance, we are always there for you. After you complete the course, continue to return for frequent moneymaking updates and ideas.

Get ready to leave the 90% of those internet marketers that become extinct after throwing away thousands of dollars using shotgun marketing. Become an internet sniper and plan to stay for the long haul. Visit me now and get ready to Learn to Earn.

Learn to Earn

An Honest Lawyer

An honest lawyerAn independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

courtesy of: http://www.ahajokes.com/

Identifying Wasted Time

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5602 Complaining About Long Hours

5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 Complaining About Boss

5605 Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6205 Hiding from Boss

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 Updating Resume

6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 Out of Office on Interview

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail

courtesy of: AhaJokes.com

Funny Commercial - Ducks Revenge

You have got to see this. Very funny.

Changing Face

As you can see, I've been making changes here at Everyday Living. I have decided to change the focus of this blog from fitness to humor. Although I will continue to write on fitness, I will be moving the content of this blog to concentrate more on humor. I will be including jokes, funny pictures, and videos. Please let me know what you think. After all, I am doing this for all of you. Let me know about the things you would like to see. Just leave me a comment. Thanks for reading.

Pilot Joke

Here’s one you’ve probably heard before, but it is funny. Enjoy!

From now on, it’ll never be said that airport ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That’s what they’re there for!

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you’re right.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

By the way, according to the report, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Really inspires alot of confidence doesn’t it?

Funny Features

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and

Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the

road. I saw them yesterday standing by the road, pounding a sign into

the ground, that reads: 'Da End iss Near! Turn Yourself Aroundt

Now! Before It's Too Late! ' As a car sped past them, the driver leaned

out his window and yelled, 'Leave us alone, you religious nuts!'

From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash... Rev. Ole

turns to Pastor Sven and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say

'Bridge Out'?'

Climbing out of the Plateau

Well, it’s happened again. I have hit, yet again, another weight loss plateau. At first, I thought it was just a result of the new strength exercises I was doing, but after 4 weeks at the same weight, I have to say that it looks suspiciously like a plateau.

I am so tired of these things. The first one I hit came after I lost 40 pounds. This current one has come after losing only 8 pounds. I was hoping that I wouldn’t hit another one for at least 20 pounds or so. You see, I need to lose another 35-40 pounds. At the rate I’m going now, it will probably take more than a year.

I realize that at the start of my diet, my body was not used to the exercise and it was shocked into losing the weight. However, as my body adjusted to the routine, it knew just how much energy to expend in order to complete the exercises. Yes, I know I talked about this in my first article on the dreaded Weight Loss Plateau, but it does bear repeating.

As I mentioned, at first I thought the stagnation was due to the extra muscle mass I gained. You see, after the last plateau, I mixed it up a bit and added new exercises for muscles I had not previously targeted. My thought was to once again, trick my body and it worked, but this time for only about a month.

As of this writing, I have followed my own advice and have just completed my week off from working out. Yesterday, I started a new workout routine and I have to say that today I am sore! I’ll let you know if this has broken the plateau.

This is part of a Blog Hop with Angie's Healthy Living.

The Power of the Remote

This article has been moved to The Remote is in Control